Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
