dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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