i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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