your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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