i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize