dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
