Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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