So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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