If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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