Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
