You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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