I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
