My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
