I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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