he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
be right there i have to get my cape
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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