guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
