Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize