Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
