i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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