Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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