I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
