he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
