I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
