i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
