Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
