I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
