Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
