Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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