I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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