her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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