so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
