I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
