An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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