apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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