Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
