What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
