Capitaan dildo arrescate!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
