Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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