they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
