If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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