Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
