You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
