There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
