and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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