I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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