fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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