Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
