Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
