I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
