I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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