but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
