Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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