SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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