I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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