ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
