I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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