It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
