they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
