pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
