I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We had to coat check the pizza.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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