Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
