I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
