I think my vagina is haunted
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
