So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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