It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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