yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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