What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
