He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
