I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
