im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there is glitter all over my balls
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