i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
