Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize