You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm having to shit out rocks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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