I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
