Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My balls are so social today.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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