The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
