Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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